you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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