That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
