actually, I'm a sock model
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
