you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
