I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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