i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
