ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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