I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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