2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
