Girls should come with a carfax report
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
