He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
