Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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