Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
