Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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