At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
