i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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