i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
