If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
