you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
