I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
