i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize