She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
