Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
