i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
