Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
