Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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