dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
then he tried to convert me to islam
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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