I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
