My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
