Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
