What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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