he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
