Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
