I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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