Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
