Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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