Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
