Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
