Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
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