It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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