I wanna passion pit in your ass
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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