dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
