Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize