I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
