Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
