i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
