was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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