Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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