Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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