if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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