I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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