I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
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Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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