i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
