The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Pants are for mortals
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
