i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
