There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
