If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
