I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
dude i'm inner monologue high
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
