My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
