Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
