just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's never too late to be topless.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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