Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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