Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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