I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
