I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
